The Educational Decrees: Like Umbridge
by Smirnoff Ryuu
Summary: only funny! A parody on the decrees written by Dolores J Umbridge
1. Introduction

**The Educational Decrees: Like Umbridge…only funny!**

For all of you out there who appreciated the efforts of One Dolores Umbridge, temporary Headmistress in place of the one and only Albus Dumbledore, I advise you to turn back now and not to read on.

For all of you that hated and despised her, and grew ever more fond of Fred, George, McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout, Harry…yes even Harry, because of their resistance to the evil wenches plots and plans then this is the right place for you as many have chosen to take their revenge on Professor (notice the disgust) Umbridge and posted their own Educational Decrees around the halls of Hogwarts.

One very scrupulous person used a fixing charm so not even Percy Weasley could remove them –cough- Hermionie –cough- and some copies have been obtained of them for those of you who missed them to read and enjoy.

Disclaimer is the same as ever, don't own, don't profit, don't slip on the banana skin coz you can't sue me for it!

For those of you that have forgotten what the original decrees contained one such decree is quoted here below!

Feedback is always appreciated!

"Educational Decree Number Twenty Four

_BY ORDER OF THE HIGH INQUISITOR OF HOGWARTS_

_All student organisations, societies, teams, groups and clubs are henceforth disbanded._

_An organisation, society, team, group or club is hereby defined as a regular meeting of three or more students._

_Permission to re-form may be sought from the High Inquisitor (Professor Umbridge)._

_No student organisation, society, team, group or club may exist without the knowledge and approval of the High Inquisitor._

_Any student found to have formed, or to belong to, an organisation, society, team, group or club that has not been approved by the High Inquisitor will be expelled._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four_

_Signed: Dolores Jane Umbridge, High Inquisitor_"

The above quote can be found on page 313, Chapter Seventeen of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J. K. Rowling.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Dumbledore's Educational Decree**

_All Students caught eating Sherbet Lemons will receive 10 house points per Lemon._

_Eating Sherbet Lemons is defined as the ingesting through the mouth of the yellow muggle sweets around Hogwarts._

_Permission to eat Sherbet Lemons can only be obtained from Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster._

_No Student can eat Sherbet Lemons without permission from the Headmaster._

_Any Student found to have eaten Sherbet Lemons without approval of the Headmaster will receive 3 cockroach clusters, two blood lollipops and serve detention with Professor Lockhart until the end of the week._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Fred and George Weasley's Educational Decree**

_All Students caught laughing behind Professor Umbridge's back will receive 10 house points per snicker._

_Laughter is defined as smiling and exhaling whilst following the greasy git around Hogwarts._

_Permission to laugh openly at Professor Umbridge can be obtained from the High Jesters (Fred and George Weasley)._

_No Student can laugh at Professor Umbridge in front of her without permission from the High Jesters._

_Any Student found to have laughed at Professor Umbridge in front of her without approval of the High Jesters will receive 3 ton tongue toffees, two custard canaries and be cursed until the end of the week._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Fred and George Weasley, High Jesters_


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Professor McGonagall's Educational Decree**

_All Students caught without 'We hate Slytherin' badges will serve detention with Professor Lockhart for three months._

'_We hate Slytherin' badges can be obtained from any Gryffindor wearing the official 'We hate Slytherin' T-Shirts._

_Permission to hand out 'We hate Slytherin' badges can be obtained from Professor McGonagall._

_No Student may give out said badges without permission of Professor McGonagall_

_Any Student caught giving out said badges without permission will be placed in detention with both Professor Lockhart and Snape for 3 months._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Professor McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House_


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3**

**Professor Snape's Educational Decree**

_All Students wearing pink on Valentine's Day are to immediately change and receive two weeks of detention._

_Pink is defined as a shade of red that is mixed with any degree of white and is neither one nor the other._

_Permission to wear pink can be obtained from Professor Snape._

_No Student can wear pink on Valentine's Day without permission of Professor Snape._

_Any Student found to be wearing pink on Valentine's Day without permission of Professor Snape with be expelled._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Professor Snape, Potions Master_


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Professor Binn's Educational Decree**

_All Students found to be paying attention in History of Magic will receive 150 house points._

_Paying attention is defined as not having a glazed over look in your eye and making notes._

_Permission to pay attention can be obtained from Professor Binns._

_Students are not allowed to pay attention in History of Magic without permission_

_Any Student found to have been paying attention without permission will receive a failing grade._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Professor Binns, History of Magic Professor_


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Hermionie Granger's Educational Decree**

_All Students found to be reading outside of lessons will be given detention._

_Reading is defined as eyes moving across a page containing the written word._

_Permission to read maybe sought from Hermionie Granger._

_No Student may read outside of lessons without Miss Granger's permission._

_Any Student found to have been reading without permission will be subjected to a pop quiz on the History of Magic._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Miss Hermionie Granger, Gryffindor_


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Oliver Wood and Ron Weasley's Educational Decree**

_All Students caught not talking about Quidditch will be banned from all future matches._

_Talking about Quidditch is defined as the word 'Quidditch' or any related word being mention at least every five sentences within a conversation._

_Permission to not talk about Quidditch can be obtained from Ron Weasley and Oliver Wood._

_No Student may not not talk about quidditch without the permission of Ron Weasley or Oliver Wood._

_Any Student found to not be talking about Quidditch without permission of Oliver Wood or Ron Weasley will be used as the quaffle in the next Quidditch House Cup competition._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Oliver Wood and Ron Weasley, Gryffindor Quidditch team Keepers._


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Harry Potter's Educational Decree**

_All Students found to be the centre of attention for more than five minutes will be scowled at._

_Centre of attention is defined as three or more people staring at an individual in awe or listening intently to what said person is saying._

_Permission to be centre of attention can be obtained from Harry Potter_

_No Student can be the centre of attention for longer than five minutes without explicit permission from Harry Potter._

_Any Student found to have been the centre of attention for longer than five minutes will be subject to extreme scowling and the target of teen angst._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Harry Potter, Local Celebrity_


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Tom Riddle's Educational Decree**

_All Students caught without 'We love Slytherin' badges will be attacked by the Basilisk and petrified for three months._

'_We love Slytherin' badges can be obtained from the possessed ginger haired Gryffindor girl carrying the black diary._

_Permission to not wear 'We love Slytherin' badges can be obtained from the possessed ginger haired Gryffindor girl carrying the black diary._

_No Student may be without said badges without permission of the possessed ginger haired Gryffindor girl carrying the black diary._

_Any Student caught without said badges without permission will be placed in the infirmary by the basilisk for 3 months._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Tom Riddle, Evil Dark Lord the possessor of the ginger haired Gryffindor girl carrying the black diary._


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Professor Lockhart's Educational Decree**

_All Students not wearing pink on Valentine's Day are to immediately change and receive two weeks of detention._

_Pink is defined as a shade of red that is mixed with any degree of white and is neither one nor the other._

_Permission to not wear pink can be obtained from Professor Lockhart._

_No Student cannot wear pink on Valentine's Day without permission of Professor Lockhart._

_Any Student found to be not wearing pink on Valentine's Day without permission of Professor Lockhart will serve detention with Professor Snape._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Professor Lockhart, Winner of Witch Weekly's most charming smile and Defence against the Dark Arts Teacher._


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Angelina Johnson's Educational Decree**

_All Students found to be cheering on the Slytherin Quidditch team will be cursed for three months._

_Cheering on the Slytherin Quidditch team is defined as showing any form of support for the players clad in silver and green._

_Permission to cheer on the Slytherin Quidditch team can be obtained from Angelina Johnson._

_Students are not allowed to cheer on the Slytherin Quidditch team without permission._

_Any Student found to have been cheering on the Slytherin Quidditch team without permission will be sent to the Slytherin Common room._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Angelina Johnson, Gryffindor Quidditch Team Captain._


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Draco Malfoy's Educational Decree**

_All Students found to be worshipping Potter will be subject to ridicule._

_Worshipping Potter is defined as showing any sort of tolerance for the jerk in any situation._

_Permission to worship Potter maybe sought from Draco Malfoy._

_No Student may worship Potter without Draco Malfoy's permission._

_Any Student found to have been worshipping Potter without permission will be subjected to the 'Future Death Eaters of Hogwarts' meeting being held on their grave._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

Signed: Draco Malfoy, Slytherin 


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Neville Longbottom's Educational Decree**

_All Students caught not remembering something will be forced to admit this forgetfulness to Grandmother Longbottom_

_Not remembering something is defined as forgetting something, including a word for more than five seconds._

_Permission to not remember things can be obtained from Neville Longbottom._

_No Student may not not remember something without the permission of Neville Longbottom._

_Any Student found to not not remembering something without permission from Neville Longbottom will be a guest at the Longbottom household for the duration of the summer._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Neville Longbottom, Forgetful Gryffindor._


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Sirius Black's Educational Decree**

_All Students found to being mean to Snape will be heartily congratulated._

_Being mean to Snape is defined as anything that can be deemed as an insulting remark._

_Permission to be mean to Snape can be obtain from Sirius Black_

_No Student can be mean to Snape without the permission of Sirius Black._

_Any Student found to have been mean to Snape without the permission of Sirius Black will be sent several gift baskets of Honeyduke's chocolate._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Sirius Black, Escaped Convicted and Convicted Murderer_


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

By Request of GerardWays'FanClub

Voldemort's Educational Decree 

_All Students not trying to kill Harry Potter are to start plotting ways to dispose of him immediately and report to Draco Malfoy for further instruction._

_Harry Potter is defined as an annoying blip on the evil radar with an ugly lightning shaped scar on his forehead, he looks like his father, but he has his mothers eyes and hides them behind really ugly glasses._

_Permission not to kill Harry Potter can be sought from Lord Voldemort._

_No Student can not be plotting or trying to kill Harry Potter without the permission of Lord Voldemort._

_Any Student found to be not plotting or trying to kill Harry Potter without permission from Lord Voldemort will be expelled._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: Lord Voldemort, Evil Dark Lord_


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

By Request of GerardWays'FanClub

James Potter's Educational Decree 

_All Students not trying to bully Severus Snape are to start plotting ways to bully him immediately and report to Sirius Black for further instruction._

_Severus Snape is defined as an annoying blip on the marauder's map with waxy pale skin and dreadfully greasy hair. He said to be likened to a vampire and is often mistaken for Alan Rickman._

_Permission not to bully Severus Snape can be sought from James Potter._

_No Student can not be plotting or trying to bully Severus Snape without the permission of James Potter._

_Any Student found to be not plotting or trying to bully Severus Snape without permission from James Potter will be subjected to one of the Weasley Twins inventions._

_The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four._

_Signed: James Potter, Dead Marauder Walking_


End file.
